Personal reflection is a powerful improvement tool. After all, who better knows you, your character, your behaviour, and your attitude better than you? Reflecting allows you to think back on your actions and learn from it. When doing this, it is important to understand how your actions made you and others feel. Alternatively, you also use it understand why you acted the way you did because of other people’s actions.

The most important thing to do when self-reflecting is being open. It may sound like it’s easy, but it happens to be the part that most people struggle with. Why? Because it involves your perceptions, assumptions, and biasness. You may be living in false reality where you can do no wrong. Learning to see things for what they are and not what you think it should be can be challenging. You need to refrain from being judgemental and resist the urge to stick labels on to everything.

The next thing you need to do is to observe your actions from a third-person’s perspective. Be the actor in your own reality show. This is the best way to find out what motivates and compels your actions. Investigate if you are acting because of what you feel or what you think others would feel.
Are you trying to please everyone by being nice or are you being firm and assertive based on your needs? Were your actions in line with your values or did you step out of character?

The last stage is practise. Use what you’ve learned from your experience to determine your plan of action. If a particular action resulted in a positive outcome for you and others, aim to do it consistently in other similar situations. If it did not, look for an alternative action. Sometimes, this may take several tries, but that’s a good thing.

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